he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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