Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Randomize
