I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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