guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
