Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
When did we convert life to cartoon?
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
