she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
