i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
sex in a hospital.. check
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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