I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
31 People Admit To Nasty Things They Do On The Reg
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
21 Of The Most Regrettable Tattoo Ideas Ever
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.