It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"