We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.