True but thats because hes a fetus.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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