A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
