I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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