I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
