Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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