i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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