Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
