Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
