I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Sext me about skeletons
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
