you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
