I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Is it penis luge time yet?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
