she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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