that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
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You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
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I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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