My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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