She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Ladies don't puke and tell
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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