im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
My pussy is not your playground.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
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