i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
i wish my penis had a tongue
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
