Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize