Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
