remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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