she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
