anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
