Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
