he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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