WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
