apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Randomize
