So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
