shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
you had me at cake vodka
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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