This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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