Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
