about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
