Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I wish you could order shots online.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
