I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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