We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize
