I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
