When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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