Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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