so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
