i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
