All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
