So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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