I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Randomize
