She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize