She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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