It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
