jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
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no more duck duck goose at the bar
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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