i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
