Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
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The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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