Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
