I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
