he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
