i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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