Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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