4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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