I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
