I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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