I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
